In my mind being Christian was pretty much the same as being moral (by the worlds standards). In Jr. High I prayed a prayer because the person preaching said I would go to hell if I didn't have Jesus in my heart... and I thought to myself "I prefer not to go to hell" so I went forward and had this emotional experience! I cried and repented of all of the "bad things" I had done and set out to do good things. I was good at it! I didn't drink, never smoked a cigarette, rarely cursed, and used a crosswalk even when J-walking would have saved a ton of time. I would help an old lady across the street, and give a stranger a dollar if they asked. I smiled at people and would listen to their problems. In fact, in my high school yearbook I was voted "best all around" (whatever that means). I even told people about Jesus and gave 10% of my income to the church! I read the bible as a book of instructions on how to live a good life. I looked down on others who weren't living as moral of a life as I was. There was no real fruit in my life (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control) There was the appearance of fruit, but really they were things that I did so that I would be able to say... "Look how good I am" and then God and people would have to accept me.
Then one day I decided to go to a mid week bible study at a church that my parents had been attending where they were studying the book of Acts. It was there that for the first time I really saw that the bible was about a PERSON instead of being about all the things I had to do in order for God to accept me. At that moment it hit me like a ton of bricks and I was overcome with my sin... the sin of my goodness! I have been trying to earn my salvation without even realizing it! I was looking at God saying" look at all of these great things I am doing... look how much better I am than all those sinners! I deserve your blessings, God! Oh yeah, and thanks for sending Jesus"
I started to see the bible so much differently. The whole thing was about Jesus. Not just the New Testament. Everything was pointing toward Him or telling us something about Him! The bible became so amazing to me I couldn't put it down. I started in Genesis and with everything I read I was more and more amazed at who Jesus is!
I started to see the bible so much differently. The whole thing was about Jesus. Not just the New Testament. Everything was pointing toward Him or telling us something about Him! The bible became so amazing to me I couldn't put it down. I started in Genesis and with everything I read I was more and more amazed at who Jesus is!
I used to look at some of the "works righteousness" religions out there and think... "look at those guys checking off their to do list to earn their way into heaven, it's so sad". And I did not realize that I was doing exactly the same thing!!! The real Gospel is offensive to the self righteous (me). It took a long time to see how sinful I really was. I wanted to say...
"you mean to tell me that that drug addict prostitute and I are the same? No way! I am a good person!"
I finally realized... I am not a good person. I am a selfish imperfect sinner who had always looked out for my own interest above the interest of others. I don't want to surrender control of my life to God. I can take care of myself! I want to be the boss of me! My heart is wicked!!! No matter how much I tried I could never be good enough. When I realized that, I also understood what Christ did. Although I could never be good enough, He is! He came to Earth and lived the life I should have lived and suffered and died the death I should have died so that I could be reconciled to God. He overcame sin and death when He was raised on the third day. And now when the Father looks at me, He doesn't see my sinfulness, He sees Christ!
Because of that, my heart has been made new. I know I am loved and accepted by Him and so I am free to love others now without worry of being rejected by them. I am now free to love people who are very hard to love and forgive people who really don't deserve forgiveness... because I have been loved and forgiven while I was undeserving. It is a continual process, (that sometimes feels very slow) but I am slowly growing and learning all the time. In fact, the more I learn, the more I know that there is so much more to learn. We serve a big God and for that I am so thankful!
Praise Jesus!
