Thursday, December 13, 2012

week 4

Week 4... I've almost made it an entire month!!!

So at about week 3 I started to feel just normal sore and not "I could be stuck on the toilet for days because I can't get up" sore. I was pretty proud of myself for making it this far and thinking "This isn't so hard".


I pulled a muscle in my stomach!!! Okay... do you know how often you use that muscle??? Um... sitting up, rolling over, bending down, sneezing, coughing, laughing, you name it, you use that muscle. I knew I did something to it on Monday and Loren made me promise that I would tell Marshall that I actually injured myself and I am not just sore.

Hello... He's not going to believe me because I whine the ENTIRE time I am working out. I am literally the girl who cried wolf in this scenario.

So I try to tuff it out and do the army crawl across the mat. BAD IDEA. I move an inch and curl up into fetal position and cry!!! Now he believes me.

At this point he modifies my exercises for me. I do push ups against the wall and squats facing the wall (he says it is to help my technique) I am noticing that everything he is making me do is facing the wall. I am pretty sure I was in time-out the rest of the hour!!! The next day I was still sore!!!

Week 4 I feel a bit better. My muscle still hurts a bit, but I can do way more. I did 20 push ups. (when I started I could do 3) That is a huge accomplishment for me. I am able to handle our warm up run much better (I was a sluggard for 19 years remember, warm-up was killing me)But I am noticing a bigger problem...

Marshall decided that he wants us jumping rope. Sounds fine, right? Well... after pushing out 2 babies... and just being old... I can't not pee my pants. I was focused!!! It didn't matter. I peed on every bounce. Well... every bounce that I wasn't tangled up in the rope that was too short for me. If it's not one thing it's another, but I am sticking with it! I'll just wear depends tonight I guess.

My mother-in-law is coming for a visit today so I am super excited to see her. This will be our first Christmas without going home or having family with us so it will be nice to have a pre-Christmas visitor. I think it is going to be a very hard Christmas for me without my mom. I was hoping to still be in the denial stage of grief... but I'm pretty sure I just moved into anger! Bummer! On a positive note... It was good timing for Marshall to have us start punching the bag! I can now left jab, right jab, and left hook. It actually helped. I wonder if that was for me? Thanks Marshall.

Dad... Can you please buy me some boxing gloves??? Thanks

Friday, November 23, 2012

2nd night of boot camp and the days to follow

So... Thanksgiving was fun, even though I could barely move due to the SEVERE butt kicking I got on Wednesday night. Monday was nothing compared to what Marshall put us through on Wednesday... Nothing!!! I am just happy that I didn't die. Holy Cow I am out of shape!!! I realized that the last time I worked out this hard (actually having to push myself and not quitting because I got tired.. I'm totally a quitter) was probably about my senior year of high school. That was almost 19 years ago. NINETEEN!!! How did this happen? When did I get this old???

The best part of the night was when JaNeal realized that she signed up for a 10k on Thursday morning. (which, by the way, she ran in 55:22 with her legs feeling like jello the whole time! I am so proud of her!!!) Some day I hope to be as amazing as JaNeal! All of the other girls are so much tougher than I am. I feel like the biggest wuss ever! I am so happy to be on this journey with them because otherwise I think I would be ready to quit right about now... I'M A BIG FAT QUITTER! That is what I would be without them!!!

Every move I made hurt yesterday... while I roasted the Turkey, peeled and chopped sweet potatoes (I really wanted to cuss while doing that) cleaned the house, set up tables and chairs for 20 people, and carried everything DOWNSTAIRS, I kept reminding myself that I asked for this!!! This is good for me!!! I am going to be super hot one day!!! Although, all I really wanted to eat yesterday was peanut m&m's and a diet soda and the smirk on Marshall's face as he watched me struggle down the stairs with a giant jug of water while he sat on the couch almost made me want to punch him... almost.

We had a great Thanksgiving with some of our church family. I am so very thankful for all of the people God has put in my life here in Utah. They make it much easier to be away from my biological family this time of year. Especially this year when all I really want to do is to be able to call my mom and tell her that I love her. I just want to hear say "Happy Thanksgiving, Honey" I can almost hear it in my head. I cried most of the morning.

I am also thankful for an AMAZING husband who allows me to be me... always... and often puts my needs and wants above his own. I am thankful for the 2 amazing boys that God has entrusted us with (hopefully He will provide a good therapist for them someday). I am thankful for my family in CA who are always there for me even though we don't get to see each other very often. I am especially thankful that Jesus took a prideful, selfish, utterly sinful woman (ME) and showed the most perfect love of all to me when he died in my place so that I could be fully excepted by God. Thank you Jesus!!!

Now I need to figure out some sort of fun cardio to do today since I didn't do anything yesterday... Instead of a dance party, I ate pumpkin pie. Don't judge me! For Pete's sake it was THANKSGIVING!!!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

nutrition plan

I realized the LAST TIME I was on Marshall's nutrition plan (Don't judge me... I was doing really well, my life got crazy... and I really wanted ice cream, end of story.) well... what I realized was that I had to change the relationship I have with food. I enjoy food. Even more, I enjoy junk food. A lot! It is what I go to for comfort, and it is what most activities are centered around! I love to go out to eat. I love to bake and eat sweets with my friends. I crave them... EVERY DAY! So starting to change my diet right before Thanksgiving is a brilliant idea, right???

For the most part I enjoy many of the things I am allowed to eat. Meat and veggies are great. Quinoa and brown rice are okay. Apples taste really sweet when you aren't eating junk all day. And even though I really REALLY want a soda... I feel much better when I don't drink them. All these things are fine. For me it is a mental thing. Before I go to bed I want ice cream. When it is snowing outside I want a cinnamon role. I pretty much always want a little piece of candy as an afternoon treat once I finally get the kids calm enough to get a break. I reward myself with sugar. So... day 1 of retraining... here we go!

I haven't been to the store so I am having to make due with what we have. For dinner last night I was making brown rice, veggies, and chicken. It was the worst food fail I have had in a long time! My rice cooker broke last week so I had to make it in a pot. Just put it in boiling water and let it simmer. Simple, right? Apparently not, because mine turned into mush. More like oatmeal than rice. 6 cups of mush. It actually would have been good if I was allowed to have brown sugar, or maple syrup on it. Since I couldn't, I ate veggies with plain chicken. It was yucky. I had to pick the corn out (it's not on the list) and so my 4 year old came up to comfort me...

"Someday when Marshall has a house of his own, and he goes to it, then you can eat these again, okay mommy. I'm not doing Marshall's list so I will eat these for you."

My kids are so good to me!!!

All in all I am doing okay... I had a 40 minute dance party with Loren last night to get my cardio in. He's such a trooper! I made up some new moves to Kidz Bop 17 while constantly fearing that Stephen was hiding in a corner getting it on video. I should probably check youtube. I am drinking a ton of water and I am more sore than I have ever been in my life. This combination caused some problems today when I was almost trapped in the bathroom many times because I didn't have the strength to pull myself off of the toilet... and the thing I feared would happen about "the time of the month" kicked in about an hour ago... (Don't worry Marshall, I won't say PERIOD!) So I am super excited about Marshall kicking my butt tonight! Do I look skinnier yet???

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Boot camp day 1 recap

First night recap!

It didn't take long for the hilarity to ensue. We all came into it a bit scared, not knowing what to expect. Here is the gang! I love them!!! I also love that Rose was wearing her new Twilight shirt!

So Marshall begins explaining our circuit training. While he is explaining one of the exercises to us DeeAnne says (in a very serious manner)

"So it's like doing KEGELS for your stomach"

KEGELS!!! Yes... This happened! I have never experienced the look of shock and disgust on Marshall's face before. It was priceless. I think at that moment he realized what he got himself into... I don't think he could look DeeAnne in the eye for the next few minutes. I couldn't go to sleep last night because I kept thinking about it and couldn't stop laughing out loud.

So about 10 minutes (that's all, just 10 minutes) into our circuit training I already had to make a run for the barf bucket because I was going to toss my cookies. As I was sitting on the floor dry heaving, the Lord's hand shone upon me and the drinking fountain that I was sitting next to switched on and blew cold air in my face. That was a close one!!! In my defense... I am in the "time of the month" where I get nauseous very easily. I will not tell you the truth about how long it has been since I have really pushed myself hard... I mean, it was probably just because of the "time of the month" and NOT because I have been a sluggard for the past 15 years.

So... speaking of my time of the month... My cramps that feel like I am in labor should kick in right around tomorrow. I will blame my soreness on that too. I am so excited I can't even contain myself!

After circuit training we moved to the mat where Marshall proceeded to punish us by making us climb mountains and do other things that had suicide in the name (that's never good) We may or may not have whined and complained...

We all survived and then Marshall ended with a pep talk. He didn't even make fun of us one time. That was impressive.

Now to start the nutrition plan... this is the part where it is not fun to live with Marshall. When I am eating a handful of almonds (following Marshall's nutrition plan) and he is sitting next to me eating a mixing bowl full of fruit loops (which is definitely NOT on the list). I guess if I worked out for 4 hours a day I could eat that too.

This is good for me this is good for me this is good for me this is good for me.
I keep telling myself this. I'll update on the eating situation tomorrow.

Pray for me!

Monday, November 19, 2012

Boot Camp

My Mom passed away a little over a month ago. I'm not really ready to write all about that, but I will say that I miss her terribly!!! I didn't realize how much I thought about her. Even with me living in a place she has never been, I see things and do things that remind me of her every day. I cry a lot.

So... after forgetting to eat anything with any nutritional value for about 3 days (I basically ate my kids halloween candy) and realizing that what I really want to do is just sit and watch TV... or lay on the floor and watch TV... or sleep... and since Sean Lowe's season of The Bachelor hasn't started yet, I decided that it is a good time to change some things.

Enter Marshall Pulliam:

Marshall lives in my basement and happens to be a personal trainer. Convenient, right? He came home from work and I said "Can we talk later?" NOTE: I probably should have clarified what I was going to talk about because he was worried for the whole rest of the afternoon that he has done something wrong... like turning the kitchen into a bubble bath because he used the wrong kind of soap in the dishwasher again.

Well...I told him that I have no motivation to exercise or eat. NONE! I asked him if he would commit to getting me into shape and I would try to find some girls to do it with me... so I would actually look forward to it! He said yes, but warned me that he would be the boss of me or 3 hours a week. I may regret this!!! I found some really fun girls to do this with me and think it would make a pretty hilarious reality TV show... I would totally watch it and cant wait to see how Marshall is going to handle us. Pray for him!

We start tonight and I have already gotten messages from 2 of the girls saying how scared they are. I am scared too. I am also extremely PMS-ing so we'll see how day 1 goes. I will probably cry!

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Valentine's thoughts

Valentines day is coming soon and I have been thinking of some fun things to do with the kids and make for Loren. As I was brainstorming ideas... I began to think about how happy I am to be married to my Loren.

Loren and I have been married almost 9 years and I am only now realizing just how much our relationship has changed and grown. While we were dating I was all giddy and twitterpated each time I would see him or hear his voice or even think about him. I couldn't believe that such an amazing, funny, outgoing, sincere, godly, handsome man would want to be with me. He was perfect!!!

Our first year of marriage was wonderful and hard at the same time. I began to realize how selfish I am. I always thought of myself as free spirited and easy going... but marriage made me realize that I was that way only as long as it was on MY terms. It was hard to give up some control of my life and think of this other person first. I was homesick and everything in my world changed all at once. I got married and moved across the country. I hadn't realized how much my identity was wrapped up in my friends and my ministry at home. I had a bit of an identity crisis as those things were not in New Jersey and now people only knew me as Loren's wife. I was extremely proud to be called that, but I still wasn't sure what that was supposed to look like. I had never been anyone's wife before. We had a lot of fun and had so many amazing experiences together, but I also made a lot of mistakes that first year. I said many words to Loren that I regret and shed a lot of tears. And through all of it, Loren showed me so much grace!

We moved to California the next year and that was even harder. More and more stuff from the deep parts of my heart was being brought to the surface and it wasn't pretty. I thought I was more spiritually mature than I actually was and I had a big struggle within myself to be able to surrender. It wasn't really a surrender to let Loren lead our family, I always new he would be better at that than me :-) It was a struggle to trust God to take care of us through it all. It was a struggle to trust that the Amazing God who created me knows what will fulfill me much more than I do ... Especially since I was still having my identity crisis. But during this struggle I have to say that many times I was much less than wonderful to be around.

About 3 years into our time in California, I finally felt like it was home and I saw that we were exactly were we were supposed to be. I began to love Fresno and our church and all the people around us... and then 2 years later we moved to Utah!... and I went through it all over again! go figure ;-) I am so thankful that I went through all that I did because it brought me so much closer to Jesus... and so much closer to Loren. The funny thing about it is that my relationship is closer with both of them for the same reasons. Loren saw me in my sin. He saw many things about me that I know he didn't see before he married me. I said hurtful things, I did many things that I wish I could take back, and sometimes I was just a big ol' mess. He saw all those things and he loved me through it. The longer we are married, the more he really knows me...and he still loves me! That is the part that overwhelms me sometimes. I love him even more now than I did when I was giddy at the thought of him. Our love is more real now... with 2 kids and a lot of craziness... because we actually know each other. The good and the bad. He is my best friend and I am overjoyed to be on this journey with him.

The even more crazy thing is that Jesus knows me even better than my husband does. He can see right into the depths of my heart. He knows not only when I sin, but even when I have any sort of unrighteous thought or feeling about someone or something. He knows the REAL me and he looks at me and loves ME...the real ME. Not only does he love me, but he gave his life for me so that I could have a relationship with God through Him. If I didn't realize how ugly my heart really is and how sinful I truly am... I wouldn't be able to understand how great His love is for me. I wouldn't be overwhelmed and changed by it! Thank you Jesus for your gift of grace! I know I don't deserve it.

Wow! I just got a whole new perspective on Valentine's day. This makes me think I need to make the John 3:16 valentine picture I saw on pinterest. If I make it I will post a picture! I will also do some things involving love notes and chocolate ;-)

Monday, January 16, 2012

I'm still here!

We have been in Utah for 2 years now... holy moly what a rollercoaster. I can honestly say that I LOVE living in Utah! I specifically love living in Centerville. Almost every day I look around and am so thankful that God has called us to this amazing place. It is beautiful, safe, clean, and has some of the nicest, coolest, and craftiest people I have ever met. I think about 90% of the really cool stuff on Pinterest comes from somewhere in Utah. Maybe even from my neighborhood! I am learning so much from them and I am super excited that my friend Ashley Samsel started blogging all of her fun stuff she does with her kids. They go all out for every holiday... and I mean EVERY holiday. Groundhog day, Chinese new year... and I am pretty sure she may even makes some up just to do fun stuff with the kids. She has inspired me to go back to my "once upon a family" days and be super intentional about making memories with my boys. These last 2 years have been so crazy that I have need to record it so that we remember that it really happened :-)

Our Church (The Bridge Community) is doing great. We have been growing and many new families are getting plugged in. Our worship team has grown and they sound amazing!!! We love the location and the building we meet in. We honestly can't believe how perfect it has worked out. Things seem to be finally to a point where everything is running smoothly... so of coarse it's time to shake things up a bit. 3 of our key families are leaving this month. 2 moving out of state and one just looking for a church to serve at closer to their home which is 45 minutes away. They were all leading ministries. It is terribly sad for us because all of these people have become like family to us and The Bridge would not be where we are now without them. I think this is something I should get used to in ministry, but it is hard every time and especially with a church plant. I understand the importance of the body of Christ so much more now. We came here completely ill equipped to plant a church... so the Lord sent others to fill in the gaps. It was meant to be that way, that is why we all have different gifts. Now is the exciting part where we get to see who is going to step into those roles. I am sad and excited at the same time. Our Lord has been so faithful to provide these past 2 years that I know this is not to hard for Him... and we will be so blessed because of this time where we are once again on our knees saying "I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm glad you do, help me trust you."

So that is the difficult thing going on right now, but there is a lot of great stuff too. We are getting more and more new neighbors and we absolutely love our neighborhood. Houses are selling like crazy and it is fun to get to see all new faces. We love getting there right when they get their keys and having the boys bring paper towels and toilet paper because we would always forget that every time we move. There is nothing worse than going to the bathroom in your brand new house and then realizing that you have to air dry! Today we were talking about getting gnomes and putting them all around the neighborhood and then moving them around each night so it will seem like they are all friends out having fun while the neighborhood is asleep. If only we had unlimited amounts of money... I could do so many fun things!