Valentines day is coming soon and I have been thinking of some fun things to do with the kids and make for Loren. As I was brainstorming ideas... I began to think about how happy I am to be married to my Loren.
Loren and I have been married almost 9 years and I am only now realizing just how much our relationship has changed and grown. While we were dating I was all giddy and twitterpated each time I would see him or hear his voice or even think about him. I couldn't believe that such an amazing, funny, outgoing, sincere, godly, handsome man would want to be with me. He was perfect!!!
Our first year of marriage was wonderful and hard at the same time. I began to realize how selfish I am. I always thought of myself as free spirited and easy going... but marriage made me realize that I was that way only as long as it was on MY terms. It was hard to give up some control of my life and think of this other person first. I was homesick and everything in my world changed all at once. I got married and moved across the country. I hadn't realized how much my identity was wrapped up in my friends and my ministry at home. I had a bit of an identity crisis as those things were not in New Jersey and now people only knew me as Loren's wife. I was extremely proud to be called that, but I still wasn't sure what that was supposed to look like. I had never been anyone's wife before. We had a lot of fun and had so many amazing experiences together, but I also made a lot of mistakes that first year. I said many words to Loren that I regret and shed a lot of tears. And through all of it, Loren showed me so much grace!
We moved to California the next year and that was even harder. More and more stuff from the deep parts of my heart was being brought to the surface and it wasn't pretty. I thought I was more spiritually mature than I actually was and I had a big struggle within myself to be able to surrender. It wasn't really a surrender to let Loren lead our family, I always new he would be better at that than me :-) It was a struggle to trust God to take care of us through it all. It was a struggle to trust that the Amazing God who created me knows what will fulfill me much more than I do ... Especially since I was still having my identity crisis. But during this struggle I have to say that many times I was much less than wonderful to be around.
About 3 years into our time in California, I finally felt like it was home and I saw that we were exactly were we were supposed to be. I began to love Fresno and our church and all the people around us... and then 2 years later we moved to Utah!... and I went through it all over again! go figure ;-) I am so thankful that I went through all that I did because it brought me so much closer to Jesus... and so much closer to Loren. The funny thing about it is that my relationship is closer with both of them for the same reasons. Loren saw me in my sin. He saw many things about me that I know he didn't see before he married me. I said hurtful things, I did many things that I wish I could take back, and sometimes I was just a big ol' mess. He saw all those things and he loved me through it. The longer we are married, the more he really knows me...and he still loves me! That is the part that overwhelms me sometimes. I love him even more now than I did when I was giddy at the thought of him. Our love is more real now... with 2 kids and a lot of craziness... because we actually know each other. The good and the bad. He is my best friend and I am overjoyed to be on this journey with him.
The even more crazy thing is that Jesus knows me even better than my husband does. He can see right into the depths of my heart. He knows not only when I sin, but even when I have any sort of unrighteous thought or feeling about someone or something. He knows the REAL me and he looks at me and loves ME...the real ME. Not only does he love me, but he gave his life for me so that I could have a relationship with God through Him. If I didn't realize how ugly my heart really is and how sinful I truly am... I wouldn't be able to understand how great His love is for me. I wouldn't be overwhelmed and changed by it! Thank you Jesus for your gift of grace! I know I don't deserve it.
Wow! I just got a whole new perspective on Valentine's day. This makes me think I need to make the John 3:16 valentine picture I saw on pinterest. If I make it I will post a picture! I will also do some things involving love notes and chocolate ;-)
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
I'm still here!
We have been in Utah for 2 years now... holy moly what a rollercoaster. I can honestly say that I LOVE living in Utah! I specifically love living in Centerville. Almost every day I look around and am so thankful that God has called us to this amazing place. It is beautiful, safe, clean, and has some of the nicest, coolest, and craftiest people I have ever met. I think about 90% of the really cool stuff on Pinterest comes from somewhere in Utah. Maybe even from my neighborhood! I am learning so much from them and I am super excited that my friend Ashley Samsel started blogging all of her fun stuff she does with her kids. They go all out for every holiday... and I mean EVERY holiday. Groundhog day, Chinese new year... and I am pretty sure she may even makes some up just to do fun stuff with the kids. She has inspired me to go back to my "once upon a family" days and be super intentional about making memories with my boys. These last 2 years have been so crazy that I have need to record it so that we remember that it really happened :-)
Our Church (The Bridge Community) is doing great. We have been growing and many new families are getting plugged in. Our worship team has grown and they sound amazing!!! We love the location and the building we meet in. We honestly can't believe how perfect it has worked out. Things seem to be finally to a point where everything is running smoothly... so of coarse it's time to shake things up a bit. 3 of our key families are leaving this month. 2 moving out of state and one just looking for a church to serve at closer to their home which is 45 minutes away. They were all leading ministries. It is terribly sad for us because all of these people have become like family to us and The Bridge would not be where we are now without them. I think this is something I should get used to in ministry, but it is hard every time and especially with a church plant. I understand the importance of the body of Christ so much more now. We came here completely ill equipped to plant a church... so the Lord sent others to fill in the gaps. It was meant to be that way, that is why we all have different gifts. Now is the exciting part where we get to see who is going to step into those roles. I am sad and excited at the same time. Our Lord has been so faithful to provide these past 2 years that I know this is not to hard for Him... and we will be so blessed because of this time where we are once again on our knees saying "I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm glad you do, help me trust you."
So that is the difficult thing going on right now, but there is a lot of great stuff too. We are getting more and more new neighbors and we absolutely love our neighborhood. Houses are selling like crazy and it is fun to get to see all new faces. We love getting there right when they get their keys and having the boys bring paper towels and toilet paper because we would always forget that every time we move. There is nothing worse than going to the bathroom in your brand new house and then realizing that you have to air dry! Today we were talking about getting gnomes and putting them all around the neighborhood and then moving them around each night so it will seem like they are all friends out having fun while the neighborhood is asleep. If only we had unlimited amounts of money... I could do so many fun things!
Our Church (The Bridge Community) is doing great. We have been growing and many new families are getting plugged in. Our worship team has grown and they sound amazing!!! We love the location and the building we meet in. We honestly can't believe how perfect it has worked out. Things seem to be finally to a point where everything is running smoothly... so of coarse it's time to shake things up a bit. 3 of our key families are leaving this month. 2 moving out of state and one just looking for a church to serve at closer to their home which is 45 minutes away. They were all leading ministries. It is terribly sad for us because all of these people have become like family to us and The Bridge would not be where we are now without them. I think this is something I should get used to in ministry, but it is hard every time and especially with a church plant. I understand the importance of the body of Christ so much more now. We came here completely ill equipped to plant a church... so the Lord sent others to fill in the gaps. It was meant to be that way, that is why we all have different gifts. Now is the exciting part where we get to see who is going to step into those roles. I am sad and excited at the same time. Our Lord has been so faithful to provide these past 2 years that I know this is not to hard for Him... and we will be so blessed because of this time where we are once again on our knees saying "I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm glad you do, help me trust you."
So that is the difficult thing going on right now, but there is a lot of great stuff too. We are getting more and more new neighbors and we absolutely love our neighborhood. Houses are selling like crazy and it is fun to get to see all new faces. We love getting there right when they get their keys and having the boys bring paper towels and toilet paper because we would always forget that every time we move. There is nothing worse than going to the bathroom in your brand new house and then realizing that you have to air dry! Today we were talking about getting gnomes and putting them all around the neighborhood and then moving them around each night so it will seem like they are all friends out having fun while the neighborhood is asleep. If only we had unlimited amounts of money... I could do so many fun things!
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