changes

We are in another time of change in our life. I am so excited to see what the Lord has planned for us and the ways He is going to use us on this next adventure, But I know myself... and I know that typically when I know a move is coming I begin to withdrawal. I find myself letting go long before we leave. It is like I start to mourn the loss before I have lost it. But this time I am one step ahead of the game. I am purposefully going to make the most of the time I have here with friends and family. TAKE THAT SELF!

My Story

I have been thinking a lot lately about what Christ accomplished on the cross and how amazing it is... how freeing it is and  how the gospel has truly changed my life.  Before I understood this... I thought I was a Christian. 

In my mind being Christian was pretty much  the same as being moral (by the worlds standards).  In Jr. High I prayed a prayer because the person preaching said I would go to hell if I didn't have Jesus in my heart... and I thought to myself  "I prefer not to go to hell" so I went forward and had this emotional experience!  I cried and repented of all of the "bad things" I had done and set out to do good things.  I was good at it!  I didn't drink, never smoked a cigarette, rarely cursed, and used a crosswalk even when J-walking would have saved a ton of time.  I would help an old lady across the street, and give a stranger a dollar if they asked.  I smiled at people and would listen to their problems.  In fact, in my high school yearbook I was voted "best all around" (whatever that means).  I even told people about Jesus and gave 10% of my income to the church!  I read the bible as a book of instructions on how to live a good life.  I looked down on others who weren't living as moral of a life as I was.  There was no real fruit in my life (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control) There was the appearance of fruit,   but really they were things that I did so that I would be able to say... "Look how good I am" and then God  and people would have to accept me.  

 

Then one day I decided to go to a mid week bible study at a church that my parents had been attending where they were studying the book of Acts. It was there that for the first time I really saw that the bible was about a PERSON instead of being about all the things I had to do in order for God to accept me.  At that moment it hit me like a ton of bricks and I was overcome with my sin... the sin of my goodness!  I have been trying to earn my salvation without even realizing it!  I was looking at God saying" look at all of these great things I am doing... look how much better I am than all those sinners!   I deserve your blessings, God! Oh yeah, and thanks for sending Jesus"  
I started to see the bible so much differently.  The whole thing was about Jesus.  Not just the New Testament.  Everything was pointing toward Him or telling us something about Him! The bible became so amazing to me I couldn't put it down.  I started in Genesis and with everything I read I was more and more amazed at who Jesus is!  

I used to look at some of the "works righteousness" religions out there and think... "look at those guys checking off their to do list to earn their way into heaven, it's so sad".   And I did not realize that I was doing exactly the same thing!!!  The real Gospel is offensive to the self righteous (me).  It took a long time to see how sinful I really was. I wanted to say...

 "you mean to tell me that that drug addict prostitute and I are the same? No way!  I am a good person!"

I finally realized... I am not a good person.  I am a selfish imperfect sinner who had always looked out for my own interest above the interest of others.  I don't want to surrender control of my life to God.  I can take care of myself!  I want to be the boss of me!  My heart is wicked!!!  No matter how much I tried I could never be good enough.  When I realized that, I also understood what Christ did.  Although I could never be good enough, He is!  He came to Earth and lived the life I should have lived and suffered and died the death I should have died so that I could be reconciled to God.  He overcame sin and death when He was raised on the third day.  And now when the Father looks at me, He doesn't see my sinfulness, He sees Christ!  

Because of that, my heart has been made new.  I know I am loved and accepted by Him and so I am free to love others now without worry of being rejected by them.  I am now free to love people who are very hard to love and forgive people who really don't deserve forgiveness... because I have been loved and forgiven while I was undeserving. It is a continual process, (that sometimes feels very slow) but I am slowly growing and learning all the time.  In fact, the more I learn, the more I know that there is so much more to learn.  We serve a big God and for that I am so thankful!

Praise Jesus! 

The body of Christ

So I have been thinking a lot about the body of Christ lately... thanks to Brooke and the Ephesians.   And it seems to me that the Church (as a whole) looks much different than it should.  We, as Christians, have missed the point somewhere in here.  So often we bicker and quarrel amongst ourselves over the silliest of things.  For some reason we think that "church" (speaking of a church service) is for us.  Like the "church" owes us something.  When in actuality we are the church and we are for God!  "church" as we think of it is really just a time we can gather together as believers and worship God together.  Everything should be about glorifying Him.  I have heard (and also said) things like  "I'm just not getting fed".  Or the "worship just doesn't speak to me".  (which I still think are valid things to discuss, but at another time)  Or... "someone in the church did something to hurt me that just isn't Christlike, therefore the church is not a good church and I need to leave".  Why are we so selfish?  Why are we so quick to divide?  Why are we so quick to judge each other's hearts and motives?  We forget that we are ALL sinful... but God is the one who is perfect.  He is the one who helps us forgive.  Without Him we can do nothing.  We can't even worship Him.  I have sat in church on a Sunday morning with bitterness in my heart (that was not at all an act of worship)  Being able to forgive, that is an act of worship.  And by forgive I mean when the person who has sinned against me doesn't deserve to be forgiven.  Forgive even when the offender are still in the wrong.  For it is while we were yet sinners that Christ died for us.  He forgave us when we didn't deserve it.  He is our example of how we should act.  So why do we hold on to grudges as we do?  Especially against other believers!  I think a good place to look at the body of Christ is in Acts.

 Acts 2:42-47.  "They devoted themselves to the apostles teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.  Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles.  All the believers were together and had everything in common.  Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need.  Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts.  They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people.  And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." (NIV)

These people didn't just go to church on Sunday, sing some songs, listen to a message that made them feel good and then go home and live their lives a little bit better.  When they found Christ, something completely changed in their  lives.  He was what consumed their thoughts.  He was the topic of conversation.  Giving to others in need became more important than storing up treasures on Earth.  I long for this in my life.  The desire for Him above all else!  I am blessed to have an amazing church.  By church I mean other believers who desire to serve Christ with their entire lives.  My family and I have been blessed beyond what I can even explain by the body of Christ... And the times I am most content and filled with joy is when I am doing the things written of the church in the book of Acts, but more often than not I am living my own life hoping that God will bless my selfish plans.  I need to quit doing that.  Problem solved.

My amazing husband snores

It is about 3am and I can't sleep.  I know I will have to feed the baby in about an hour anyway so I am thinking that I might as well stay up instead of being awakened from actual sleep.  I'm not a big fan of that.  

So... I have the most amazing husband ever.  Probably the greatest one in the whole universe. He's an amazing, godly man who is full of integrity.   He is funny and caring and gentle and kind. He puts others needs ahead of his own.  It is very hard to get him upset.  He is probably one of the most unannoying people I have ever met.  He can make a game out of anything, and make already existing games even more fun than ever thought possible. I never get sick of him.  Plus... he's pretty hot.  No, I take that back.  He's extremely hot!  He is so close to perfection that I have always thought   "He has to have SOMETHING wrong with him, right?"   Well... I figured out what it is.  He snores.  And since Loren is good at everything he does it is no surprise that he is a VERY good snorer.  One of the best.  And sometimes... and I'm not sure why this is... it makes me angry.  I mean really angry.  I start kicking my legs and wanting to hit someone.  This is a totally irrational feeling because it is not like he is snoring on purpose to upset me.  In fact he tries everything he can not to snore  (Being the amazing husband he is)  and I feel terrible about being frustrated by it.  I think that once the kids get a little older I will invest in some really good ear plugs, but until then, I'm not sure what to do.  I'm already sleep deprived as it is, but I am not willing to sleep apart from my husband.  Maybe I will just pray about it and see what happens.  I love you Loren!

Wow, this is kind of a weird first post.  Actually it is kinda weird that I am posting at all since I am not a blogger. Oh wait... I guess I am a blogger now.   See what sleep deprivation will do.